R-E-S-P-E-C-T

R-E-S-P-E-C-T
by, Charles W. Christian

Far Too Rare

This past weekend I saw a site that is becoming all too rare today. It was an act of respect that on the surface would have been easy to overlook. It was at the funeral of an 88 year old man who had spent more than half of his life as one of the town barbers in Kent, Ohio. He was a fixture in this town, and his quiet disposition and constant smile earned him admiration from people of all ages and backgrounds. It also garnered love and respect from his children and grandchildren, as well as his wife of 61 years and his fellow-churchgoers at the Church of the Nazarene near Kent State University where I have been pastor for just over one year.

At his memorial, which I was privileged to conduct, this man’s grandchildren, most of whom are in their twenties, offered kind words and were truly saddened to see their “PaPa” go. Two of the grandsons put together the music and a video tribute to their grandfather and wanted to make sure that I as the minister was comfortable with what they hoped to share during the service. At funerals, as well as weddings, we as pastors generally have to be cautious when well-meaning family members wish to program the music. Sometimes good intentions can lead to music or other displays that detract from the sacredness and respect of the ceremony. What I found from these two young men was quite the opposite. They had worked for many hours to find relatively obscure bluegrass recordings of hymns that their grandfather held dear. He was born in 1923 in a small town in West Virginia, known for its traditional bluegrass melodies and simple way of life. These two young men were far removed, both educationally and in location, from the obscure little town of their grandfather’s childhood. However, their love and respect for this man who had once let them set up an entrepreneurial “shoe shine stand” in the corner of his downtown barber shop when they were children (a venture which lasted only a day!) led them to ensure that he would be honored with the music he held dear throughout his life.
I was moved not only by the sounds of the music that I, too, enjoy, but even more by the respect and love these young men displayed in putting aside their personal musical preferences and paying tribute to their grandfather in this way. It may seem like a small gesture, but it was the accumulation of a lifetime of both loving and honoring a man who had gained their admiration through his consistent and quiet faith and love.

Little Things Mean A Lot

So often it is the little gestures of respect and kindness that make the most impact. Bishop Desmond Tutu, the great South African bishop, once shared that a key reason for his own desire to become part of the Anglican Church and to eventually become an ordained minister stemmed from a simple gesture he experienced in his childhood. One day while walking with his mother on a crowded sidewalk in segregated South Africa, a white man approached from the opposite direction. In South Africa at that time, when Tutu was around 8 years old, it was customary for black South Africans, men or women, to step aside into the muddy streets when a white person was passing on the sidewalk. As young Desmond was about to step aside, he looked up in shock to see that it was the white man who stepped aside as Desmond and his mother passed on the concrete. Not only that, but the white man also tipped his hat to young Desmond’s mother as an act of respect. She smiled and nodded as she and Desmond continued to walk on the paved sidewalk, but young Desmond’s curiosity could not be quelled. “Why did that white man do that?” Desmond inquired. “He’s a clergyman, an Anglican priest, a man of God. That is why he did it,” she replied. “Then I want to be one, too!” he said. The rest is history. One small act of respect proved both life-changing and world changing.

Finding Out What it Means

Like many, I mourn the loss of basic respect in our culture. For many, it seems that there is a fear that showing respect for others and for authority is the same as an unconditional acceptance of all authority. This need not be the case. The Bible reminds us to “consider others above yourself,” and to “submit yourselves to one another out of reverence for Christ” (Philippians 2:3 and Ephesians 5:21, respectively). This is not a blind compliance with the wishes of another. Rather, respect for one another involves a concerted effort to, in the words of the classic song by the same name, “find out” what respect “means” to the person(s) with whom we are interacting (thank you, Aretha Franklin!). These meaningful acts could come from demonstrating respect for the music and culture of another, a simple tip of the hat, or other gestures that seek to bless others and place their interests above our own. Taking the time to find out what respect means to others and then sharing those gestures bears witness to the unconditional love of Jesus Christ in the world.